Week 704: Another Game of Tag


Shot through with inspiration -- in fact, watching said inspiration
squirt out from between two ribs -- aspiring Losers often e-mail the
Empress to suggest a new contest, only to be shot right back, between the
same ribs, with a reply that includes the results for that same contest,
from, say, Week 462 or Week 314 or even Week CXLVIII. Michael Levy of
Silver Spring was about to suffer the same fate recently when he
suggested a contest to come up with celebrities' license plates, when we
realized that we were shooing him away with the results (including the
example above) from Week 9: They were published May 23, 1993. Surely we
have enough new celebrities, or new takes on them, almost 14 years later.
This week: Create vanity license plates for well-known people, real or
fictional. Maximum number of characters plus spaces is eight; you are
limited to letters, numbers and common symbols found on a keyboard.

Other runners-up win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt.
Honorable Mentions (or whatever they're called that week) get one of the
lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. One prize per entrant per week.
Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax to
202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, March 19. Put "Week 704" in the subject
line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your
name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are
judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the
property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or
content. Results will be published April 8. No purchase required for
entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives,
are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified.
This week's Honorable Mentions name was suggested by both John O'Byrne of
Dublin and Eric Murphy of Ann Arbor, Mich.

Report From Week 701, in which we asked you for the titles of these alleged books that Style
Invitational cartoonist Bob Staake was thinking of writing, and what they
would be about.

4. "Baby Still on Board": Freddie spends his entire life, from infancy to
long gray beard, on a runway aboard a JetBlue plane. (Mae Scanlan,
Washington)

3. "Have You Seen My Happy Feet?" A young penguin, tragically disfigured
by a hungry shark, demonstrates amazing fortitude in his far-flung though
ultimately futile quest for his missing appendages. (Beverley Sharp,
Washington)

2. the winner of the remix CD of politicians seeming to sing rock songs:
"What Part of Dual Spinal Tumors Don't You Get?" Bob self-published this
title after being turned down by Readers' Digest's "Laughter Is the Best
Medicine" section. (Kevin Marshall, South Riding)

And the Winner of the Inker

Flagrantly ripping off Eric Carle's "Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You
See?" Bob tries to market a scratch-and-sniff book. Unfortunately, no one
wants to sniff pages that read, "I smell a hippo who's really not well,"
"I smell a junkie who's locked in a cell" or "I smell the armpit of fat
cousin Nell." (Andrea Kelly, Brookeville)

The Remaindered

THE GIRL:

"Water Wings Wanda": A little girl's parents overreact to the danger of
global warming. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

"Penelope Goes Postal": Without an education, you too could end up
delivering bowling balls for a living. (Rick Haynes, Potomac)

"The Wriggly Green Sack": Krystie hates Snake Handling Day at her
religious school. (Peter Metrinko, Chantilly)

"Okay, Today Joey Bites the Dust!": It was the final straw for Sally
after her little brother shaved a huge bald spot on her head while she
slept. (Michelle Stupak, Ellicott City)

"Quasimoda": An angry girl with chips on her shoulder enrolls at Notre
Dame. (Jeff Brechlin, Eagan, Minn.)

"Hillary and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day": "I decided
to run for class president and then this super-popular boy decided he
would, too, and then this gang of kids kept twisting my arm until I told
them I was sorry . . ." (Kevin Dopart, Washington)

"The Life of Mildred Oyl": The rags-to-riches memoir from the woman who
was called names as a child because of the odd lunches she brought to
school. (Larry Yungk, Arlington)

No Fun for Lindsay: Little Lindsay is very angry that she has to leave
parties early to go to rehab. (Bruce Alter, Fairfax Station)

THE CAT

"Goodbye Moon": The old lady whispered "hush" one too many times for
Kitty, who in a rash act lost the only home he ever knew. But come on,
people, she was a rabbit! What did you expect? (Jeff Brechlin)

"The Cat in the Can": The Cat once again lets out Thing One and Thing
Two. (Sue Finger, Falls Church; Dave Prevar, Annapolis)

"Can You Bring Me Home?": After escaping from the zoo, a tiger cub eats a
grouchy animal he finds in a trash can, driving a once-peaceful
neighborhood into bitter sectarian conflict. (Valerie Matthews, Ashton)

"The Lost Earmark": Marshmallow discovers life in the unfunded world
after his shelter loses its research grant on whisker-impaired felines.
(Verenda Smith, Alexandria)

THE PENGUIN

"Ice Bubble": With global warming, finding an affordable condo in
Antarctica has become difficult even for the natives. (Rick Haynes,
Potomac)

"Yo, Mama, Put Your Milk Right Here!": Guido the Penguin teaches toddlers
Brooklyn sign language. (Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf)

"Who's Your Daddy?": Anna Nicole's fertilized egg is left in midtown
Manhattan and it's up to Prince to help find the father. (Carl Gerber,
Annandale)

"The Waddlefather": As an immigrant from a faraway land, Don Penguione
must assert his authority over the local pigeons. (Eric Murphy, Ann
Arbor, Mich.)

"Global Walking": With his home heat-imperiled, Pepe the Penguin decides
to move to Manhattan, where although the houses are warmer, the people
are way chillier. (Marjorie Streeter, Reston)

THE BABY

"The Babiator": A tribute to Howard Hughes's earliest and latest years.
Includes a packet of Kleenex attached to the inside cover. (Jim
Korenthal, New York)

"I'm a Really Big Boy Now": Baby Joey discovers that you're never too
young for phallic metaphors. (John Johnston, St. Inigoes, Md.)

"The Lisa Marie Nowak Story": An inspirational book describing how the
famous astronaut learned from a young age how to dress when traveling
long distances. (Andrew Hoenig, Rockville)

"Young Slim Pickens": How he learned to love the bomber. (M. Lilly Welsh,
Oakton)

"The Loudest Baby in the World Flies to Tokyo": The story of little Daisy
Belle and what happened when the passengers couldn't take it anymore. And
why loud noises are still measured in Daisy Belles. (Larry Yungk,
Arlington)

Next Week: Our Greatest Hit, Part 2, or U-GH